Motherhood: The Real Life Yoga Practice

We have all seen those photos of pregnant mothers, glowing and looking so serene and at peace. Or those videos of a mothers first moments with their baby, filled with so much joy you think it may explode out of their eyes. These precious times that seem to be infinite nothing could ever get in the way, life is perfect, these people have it all figured out. Mothers always tell you, “becoming a parent is the best, most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life”. Although, this may be true, these sentiments do not come over night. When it comes to finding parenting bliss, the struggle is real. 

Now let’s fast forward to my morning. After being abruptly awoken by a love smack to the face from my adorable toddler, I then jumped up to chase him through the hallway to make sure he did not try to play in the toilet pool. We then went to the kitchen where I made my coffee and his breakfast. He clung to my leg, where he obsessively asked to go “up” so he could see the counter full of knives, glass, and hot objects. We then start to eat breakfast, that he insisted he did himself. Pretty sure more landed on the floor then in his mouth. As I go to clean up the soggy cereal mess, he grabs my coffee takes a huge swig, then looks me in the eye while he dumps the rest on the floor. With clean up of mess number 2 underway, he runs off to play with his toys. A few minutes later i go to look for him. He is in my bedroom sitting quietly, I take a step toward him to pick him up and SQUISH. In a state of confusion, I look down to see what I stepped in. Can anyone guess? Yes, there it was in all its glory, a big pile of POOP! In the few minutes that I was cleaning mess #2, he took off his diaper and went boom boom right on the floor. I wanted to scream but instead, I thought about my reaction, I took a deep breath, gave him a hug and a kiss as I calmly explained to him why pooping on my bedroom floor is not ok. 

I have been a practicing yogi for over a decade. I have has dedicated practice, on and off the mat. Using new challenges as an opportunity to practice the philosophies of the tradition. Physically finding ways to go beyond what I thought I could do, to find flexibly in the asanas, and flexibility in life situations. Using my practice to show me humility, so that I could unchain myself from my ego. After years of this, I came to a balanced place, where I thought, I would be good a navigating most of life’s struggles. And then pregnancy and motherhood.

Pregnancy was a real rollercoaster. On top of the normal nasuea, tiredness, mood swings (Yes they are very real!), and backaches, I also gained 90lbs very rapidly. At 5 months pregnant, I was at the size and weight of most people at 9 months pregnant. This was very limiting for someone who is used to being very mobile. I had many moments where I thought “Will this be forever?” and “I don’t think I can do this anymore!”. I spent quite some time trying to keep up with my previous practice. But in the end, pregnancy won. Leaving me left with the silver lining. These moments of struggle, helped me to very viscerally understand that every day and practice is different. We can only work with the body and mind that is there that day that moment. There was something freeing in the thought that I had literally no control over what would happen moment to moment. I had a choice, go with the flow, or drown in frustration, sorrow and pity. Fortunately, pregnacy and parenthood gave my several opportunities to practice this detachment. Yoga Sutra 1.12 states, “abhyasa-vairagyabhyam tan-nirodhah” which translates to, “The mind is made tranquil by practice and non-attachment”. This concept was tested several times. During my 55 hour labor, where nothing happened according to plan and ended with an emergency C-section that I desparately did not want. When I was awoken by a newborn every 2 hours to breastfeed. When I went back to my asana practice to find that my body did not do the same things it was used to, and that every day was basically a new body I needed to learn. When my son fell in the playground and got stitches on his forehead. No control, but somehow all the control. These little tests showed me that I could not control what was going on outside. But I could control what was happening inside, and my reaction to these things. 

Yoga lesson number 2 intimately learned from motherhood, humility and letting go of the ego. After having my son I spent, many hours trying to do it all. Be the best mom, who always had it together, never seemed frazzled and somehow always had time time to cook every organic meal and keep her house spotless, while running a business no problem. Realistic, I know. Nap time was a crazy tizzy of running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Emailing while cooking, and pumping. Speed cleaning then taking a shower, mentally finding ways to cut my shower time down by a few seconds, while listening to mom podcasts on the best way to sleep train. All of this stress and craziness for what? Something had to break and eventually it did. Little by little I realized that those things did not matter. My ego was forcing me to try to keep up with this unrealistic ideal and in doing this I was missing out of enjoying the journey and on an opportunity to practice ahimsa, non violence, to myself The little moments in between that make life worth living. I spent so much time telling my students, when you get frustrated with a pose, you need to take a break from it. Know when your ego is getting the best of you.”  and “ don’t use shortcuts for poses, or cut corners, put in the work and because its not about the pose you learn through the practice” But I was not implementing this in my life. My ego wanted to be the best mom who was trying to hide the fact that she was struggling to keep up. The more I let this go, the more happiness I felt and the more I enjoyed being a mother. And this happiness grows, with the many chances motherhood gives to to humble myself. 

This brings me to the last yoga lesson I want to talk about, BALANCE. In yoga philosophy we learn that everything is balance. The balance or good and bad, light and dark, happiness and suffering. These dualities are a constant, but one is not known without the other. We can not appreciate the light if we do not know the dark, just as we can not understand happiness without knowing suffering. In motherhood, finding the balance of letting go of what/ who you thought you were, but staying steady on your true self. It is very easy to lose yourself in parenting. You forget who you are, all your attention and time are given to someone else. But we can let go of ideas, labels, and expectations without losing our true essence by finding a balance. Knowing that it is ok to have time to yourself and take a pole dancing class that you love and this does not make you a bad mother. Finding balance and re-establishing balance is a constant practice in motherhood. From those countless hours you crazily scour the internet for what is wrong with your kid when they are sick, concluding that they definitely have that disease that only affects 1% of people in the world. to then realizing there is definitely a more sane explanation that will help you balance that lunatic side of yourself. Balancing out the force fed kale recipes with chocolate sometimes. And most importantly, finding balance with parenting and your partner. Luckily, having a child leaves constant practice on that. 2 am disagreements on feeding, fair schedule on who gets to sleep when the baby needs a feeding, distribution of chores, finding time for both to work, while balancing out the role of parent, friend and partner to each other. Parenting is a delicate balance, and a never ending practice. 

In the end, all these moments of struggle and happiness come together to make parenting the most challenging and rewarding this you have ever done. It’s a long road of humilty, and conditioning but the spoils would not be as amazing if it were easy. I always thought I was practicing yoga, but motherhood is the ultimate yoga practice.